Sunday, May 29, 2016

The Missing Emotion

When you don’t feel an emotion for a very long time you start believing that you won’t feel it ever.

Happens to all of us, right? If you don’t get angry, you feel nothing is going to annoy you ever again. If things don’t upset you, you feel the world is slowly turning into a happy place.

If you have been out of love for years, you probably feel you will never fall in love again. But what if that one person gives you all those feelings that you thought you would never feel, again and again? What if every time you have a conversation with him, you get reminded of those feelings that you once had?

 --  “Hey, I may come to India soon. Will plan a trip to Delhi. ”

-- “Oh! Really?” -- “Yes. It’s been a while since we have spoken?”

-- “You don’t remember the last time we spoke? Didn’t go too well.” 

-- “I do. Skype?”

The same conversation after months of absolute silence. Did anything change? Maybe they laugh a little less than they used to; maybe she has has stopped asking when are they meeting, or, if they are ever going to meet again; maybe he has stopped suggesting she should move on. That’s all that changed. The conversations. The emotions kept coming back, every time. More with each conversation.

The anger, the longing, the joy, the excitement followed by the calmness, and those butterflies. And, it is only at these times you feel you haven’t changed. You still feel those emotions you thought are dead, and never going to return.

It’s like when Bob, the Minion, pops out of a box with his stuffed toy and says: “King Bob. Pwede na?” You are not too sure whether you are happy to know your feelings aren’t dead, or scared of what it is capable of.

It’s only at these times you feel you can fall in love again. But, just not with him. Not again.

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