Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I am just ordinary.

I was trying to get some bit of sleep...infact I had almost reached the world of my dreams,when this call comes calling me a 'thief'...
no,I didn't steal money,nor jewelery,not even somebody's heart if you think the Romeo-Juliet kind!:P
I stole somebody's words.I won't elaborate on this but...I did not quite like re-discovering myself.Now.
Had I been a princess I would have filled you with my luxuries.
Had I been an angel,I would make all your wishes come true.
Had I been the mountain,I would have protected you from all your foes.
Had I been a pencil,I would have made a mark in your life forever.
Had I been a singer,I would make your life musical.
Had I been the rain,I would refresh your soul every time I poured on you.
Had I been beautiful,I would have make sure u rose with pride,every time you look at me.

I am none of them.I am just a human,that too a plain ordinary one.All that I have is words.But,they fall too short for you every time.Yes,I keep looking for words,looking for things to make you happy...or should I say,I keep looking for ways to impress you.But sooner or later I realize they ain't enough.I need more.You would say,"why?why do you need to impress me?don't you know that I love you?"
Yes,I know.I know you love me....but what if one day you feel I am too ordinary?too less for you?what if you feel you deserved someone better?what if you feel I am good for nothing?what if you feel I wasted your life?what if one day you call me up and say..."go away"....
what if you stop loving me one day?
I fear.I fear the thought of losing you.And,in the fear of arrival of that day,I keep looking for ways to impress you.

I am sorry.forgive me.


  1. I suppose we all have that fear in our hearts. We just have to take a chance.

  2. absolutely.
    even if we take a chance,and let years pass...the fear remains.always.:)

  3. Adrija, the only way to over come fear is to 'face' it. Asking yourself why your happiness depends so much on other person. Of course if you had been married for many years the equation changes, but if you are young and in love...then perhaps you should start thinking why someone is so important to you that your world is torn apart when they leave you.

    I recall, when I was 21 I was deeply attracted to one of my friends but I thought it was love. He proclaimed his love even...but then things changed. He changed, perhaps I also would have changed. Takes two to tango. We split up and I thought I would never undergo any pain more than that. But my life went on. A few years later I met another man (now my husband) and couldn't have asked for anyone else. Hindsight, what did I even see in that other guy! So ya...don't let your happiness be based on someone else. Easier said than done, but you will know what I mean.

  4. I cant tell you how much I can relate to this. Dunno whether I should write it here, but my girl too talks like this sometimes and trust me, its really embarassing.

    i know it not but it feels like she duznt respect my decision of choosing her as my soulmate and she dusnt trust that i have the balls to hang in there, irrespective of out share of relationship blues that come our way!

    dunno why!

  5. @madhu-thanx for those beautiful words.and thanx for sharing that experience of yours.
    maybe with time...even i"l grow up.and yes,the fault isnt wd d guy,its within me.I won't look for ways to imprss him anymore...i keep telling that to myself often.but end up not following.I'll learn.I need time maybe.:)

  6. @mango-I completely understnd what u have in ur mind....
    we feel this way,maybe because...we r scared to lose the person we love the most.which mayb shudnt b d den again...its cmpltly unintended.

  7. Adrija. Its not that you are at fault or he is at fault. Why do you think you are at fault? Have you been cheating on him? If not, I don't see a reason why you are so insecure.

  8. @madhu-no.havnt been cheating him.
    it was a just a momentary feeling..a feeling u feel when u wake up in d middle of d night,finding no one around fine.
    a feeling that's lost now.:)

  9. *a warm tight hug*

    know what? i love this saying that says

    people who matter dont care...people who care dont matter... dont give a damn to what the world says as long as you know you are right.. you are Not Ordinary... you are special and dont let ANYONE tell you otherwise!!

    lots of love

  10. @raka-thanx alot re.:)
    wish that hug wasnt virtual.miss you.:(